Here’s where the fear kicks in

Being an artist is a very tricky thing. This past 6(?) months (or however long it’s been from the idea of this mixtape to its culmination) has been filled with mainly 2 emotions: excitement and FEAR. Allow me to explain:

EXCITEMENT!

And why wouldn’t you, I or anyone else feel excited after  accomplishing something? After finishing something that they set out to do- especially a task as off the beaten path and all-consuming as this? Plus, knowing a few different outlets that are at your disposal and willing to let people know about said project.

It’s great because excitement allows me to say, “This is it! THIS is what’s gonna get my name out there and catapult me a place where I can start making money by doing what I love.” With the connections, good feedback, and amount of effort put into “Fuck Swag,” I can only help to feel excited and as though this is really the last first step I’ll ever have to take.

But then there’s

FEAR

And this is where things start to suck. What if, nobody likes it? Or even worse, what if, even with all of my connections and friends, nobody even listens to it? If it doesn’t even make a “boop” on the radar? James, what if you put a chunk of your life into this project (both subject-wise and time-wise) and your life stays exactly the same.

Ughh, those last three words make me cringe but, it’s definitely a real fear that I have. The entire process has been a roller coaster with excitement as the peaks and fear as the valleys; two extremes that make working on this almost everyday a quite the chore at times.

Maybe some of you know how badly I want this. Chances are, a lot of you may not. Well, I want it more than anything. So for me to be overtaken by crippling fear 50% of the time I’m trying to make progress with music is..well..it’s just horrible design. And it fucking sucks.

I’m not writing this for sympathy.

But as my deadline hangs over my head a mere three days away with quite a bit to do, and as my pupils contract and chest tightens when I think about what kinds of results it could have- well, I figured I’d just let you in on that. Something you probably don’t see or hear from a lot of other musicians out there.

My birthday is the release date. Is that not dedication. Yeah, it’s not a huge deal, but it’s my 21st! What are my plans? Releasing the mixtape. As of now, that’s all.

Stay well,

The Machine
James C. Shahan III